Form submitted successfully, thank you.

Error submitting form, please try again.

Jessie's Blog bio picture

Hello!

Creating an about me is always awkward…what to share when the reality is most people that will even come across my site to read my blog know me very well.  I have decided I will use this space to describe the trip that I am going on (or already on depending on when you read this).  My friend Janay had told me about six months ago that she wanted to go to Uganda this summer and immediately my response was, “I want to come.”  Therefore we set about planning a month in both central and northern Uganda.  With no team of people that we are going with, both of us are extremely excited to have our schedules more flexible and open to the leading of the Holy Spirit.  About a month before the trip Janay found out she was unable to come due to a mess up with her immunizations, so I set out for Uganda alone. Two weeks into working with street kids I fell in love and realized that this is exactly where God wanted me to be. So I decided to stay. Currently I have extended my stay to the end of January but as of right now I can’t imagine returning to the States in January without a plan to come back to Kampala.

If you do not know me and are eager to know the ins and outs of who I am, feel free to contact me and ask, I would love to share.


 

Stories to Tell

06.22.2010 Posted in BLOG

This may be my last blog for awhile (and then again, it may not!).

A little over a year ago I was planning a short trip to Uganda and a friend suggested to me that I keep a blog of my experiences while I am gone; that people would love to hear about the things that I saw and did. As we went about creating a blog I needed a title. Instantly I asked a close friend of mine if I could use the title of one of his songs, Stories to Tell (Thanks C.J.!).

Little did I know the stories I would have. The one month turned into a total of nine months within the last year. The stories of injustice, of redemption, of healing, of pain and of joy often times overwhelm me.

I believe there is no greater injustice in this world than to see children that cover the streets, abused and mistreated, thrown away and trampled on. God has called us to come alongside “the least of these”, to be a voice to the voiceless, to set the oppressed free, and to pour ourselves out for the hungry. Personally, I believe God calls us to this as believers because His heart is utterly broken when he sees a 7 year old, forced to sleep in a trench of sewage in order to hide from the beatings of the older boys getting to sleep in a dryer space. His heart breaks when a mother tells her 9 year old son she doesn’t want him, that he is just a waste of space and money and sends him back to the streets brokenhearted. God has decided that one of the best ways for His love to be communicated to the broken and oppressed is through the hands of His people.

Now to serve the “least of these” can be done in so many ways and so many places, it can be done through conversation and a meal with the homeless man on your street corner, it can be done through financially supporting the people who are standing beside the broken, it can be done by coming alongside young women who had been trapped in prostitution and being an ear to their pain, we can find the “least of these” in so many places… but for this last year God had me here, in Uganda, living amongst these boys.

The stories I have shared so far are just a speck in regards to the stories I have from my time and life over the last year… and all of the stories I could possibly share are just a speck in comparison to God’s story for these boys.

God is working in huge ways in Kampala in the lives of boys who believed they were worthless and in need of a beating. And I can’t even describe the blessing I have felt to be allowed into even just a small part of that story. I have felt more joy in the last year to see God’s presence and work in the lives of each boy than I ever could have thought possible to experience. And yet at the same time I have gotten to experience a deep sorrow as I saw hurt and bumped up against the hurt and the pain in their lives. I allowed myself to fully attach my heart to theirs, knowing that when you choose to love in such a way, you also risk the pain of being hurt by them or even hurting for them.

And then yesterday I said goodbye. I said goodbye to the bustling city of Kampala, the boda rides that are always moments away from crashing, the sounds of kids and roosters and dogs waking me before dawn… I don’t know if it’s a full goodbye or just a goodbye for now but in order to protect the hearts of my boys I told them goodbye. It’s been a rough month of emotions for many of the boys in the house, preparing for my departure. Most nights I had one or two boys that just wanted to share their heart with me at the end of the day, or tell me things I could be praying for them for. I knew that it was their way of saying goodbye. Not only did I say goodbye to boys that I love but also to a team of people that I’ve grown so close to. God has brought together a unique and beautiful group of people whose hearts are completely sold out for Him and sold out for street kids.

Thank you so much to everyone who has joined me in this journey, It has been a constant blessing to get encouraging messages from people who have stepped into my world and listened to the stories I have. If you want to hear more, feel free to ask, I love to tell them.

I’m confident that I am not finished with Uganda and I’m confident I’m not finished with street kids; however, that’s about all that I’m confident of right now in regards to the future.

by jessie

3 comments

add a comment link to this post email a friend

July 15, 2010 - 6:22 am Anita - This was an amazing entry and a reminder of how you have touched the lives of these boys and in turn they have touched yours.

June 29, 2010 - 12:47 am Georgina - Jessie, I'm in tears and I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to say Goodbye. Love you xx

June 24, 2010 - 6:40 pm Marti - Thanks Jessie!!! I have been checking for awhile to see what you would write next and i'm glad to hear that you (even though it was bittersweet) were able to go back there and share with those boys the love of God one more time!! I really hope that one day I am able to go over there with you! Still praying for you! :)

Feet Washing

06.03.2010 Posted in Uncategorized

“Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot…to betray him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, ‘Lord, do you wash my feet?’ …When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, ‘Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If then your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. ‘”
John 13:1-15

So often this passage is used to remind us that Jesus came to serve those around him, even in ways that most people would call absolutely ridiculous. In Biblical times the dirt that accumulated on ones’ feet was significant due to walking all day in sandals and dust. It was nothing short of ridiculous for Jesus, the Messiah and Lord, to kneel down and wash the feet of those who followed him. In America, it would be unnecessary to wash each other’s feet and therefore, we must find other ways of serving one another that communicates a humble love for one another.

However, here in Uganda, the feet of a small street kid become absolutely horrid quickly. Without any shoes to wear and walking through the rubbish and sewage of the slums, it’s impossible for these boys to keep their feet clean and clear of cuts and wounds. The layers of dirt add on no matter how often they try to bathe and the cuticles around their toenails are pure black. Their toenails themselves are often corroded and misshapen from injuries and the toughness of the ground.

Therefore, you can only imagine what it may be like to wash their feet. And your imagination may include details of being disgusted and uncomfortable… but you would be wrong  Monday in the programs we decided that we would wash their feet. All of the leaders, Ugandan and American had stations for the boys to come and sit in a chair as we cleaned and even scrubbed the layers of dirt away. For me the best word to describe it was intimate. Two of the boys that I love so much (Ivan and Yusuf) waited in line at my station so that I could be the one to wash their feet. I could tell the extravagant love that it communicated that we not only wash their feet but spent time serving them individually.

To be honest, it was the first time I’ve ever washed someone else’s feet. My prayer is that God would show me ways that I can “wash someone else’s feet” all the time, and that I would respond to the opportunity I see. Even if others believe that it’s a ridiculous way to love someone else, or to serve someone else, that’s the example we have. And something I learned this week is that there is incredible power in washing someone else’s feet.

It’s interesting because I have been saying I want to wash the kids’ feet in the program for almost a year now… it bothers me that it took me a whole year to finally do it. How often is it that we see ways to serve one another and say to ourselves, “I would love to do that for someone…” and yet don’t act on it. We come up with excuses that are easy to believe and simply say we’ll do it tomorrow… at least that’s what I seem to do.

My goal is to constantly remind myself of the joy that I experienced and the love that I could tell it communicated in washing these boys feet so that I no longer serve others “tomorrow” and start washing peoples’ feet today.

Tags:

by jessie

2 comments

add a comment link to this post email a friend

June 12, 2010 - 3:15 am Marti Franke - Ok, I must know the happenings of the past few days and whether you sent that young boy off to school!!! Do tell!!! :)

June 5, 2010 - 12:33 pm Abby Frost - I love that you could share an intimate moment by washing the boys feet. What a great way to love them :) Miss you, Jess...

Without Martin

06.03.2010 Posted in Uncategorized

Without Martin

(I wrote this about a week ago, but finally decided I was ready to share it)

Being back in Uganda, back in the house, it’s been difficult to not think of Martin all the time. Yesterday I was sure I saw him. He was wearing a blue t-shirt lined with a yellow collar, way too big on him. It was extremely dirty since he always seems to wear it until the blue has turned to brown. And then he turned around… and it was my little Bashir. It practically took my breath away. I find myself wandering off in thought throughout the day hardly noticing that I’m not paying attention to what is around me, jumping into memories of Martin.

We had visitors come the other day and after the kids had all introduced themselves a couple of the American guys lead everyone in a song of worship. After that was over, we suggested the kids sing for the visitors. Instantly I saw Martin on Christmas, in front of the large family at Ssenge, singing away with his side kick Pious bringing the beats. He would always sing with confidence, not a trace of fear in his voice, eager to share his talent with the world. But the other day no one sang. One of the uncles encouraged Pious to sing but he was too shy to. Even at Christmas it was Martin that pulled Pious up and into the lime light.

Today, everyone had a crazy day and so I offered to pay for the kids next term of school fees. As I stood in a long line at the bank my mind simply drifted into the world of encouraging Martin to actually try in school. I don’t know that he was lazy at it, but he just hated doing school work. We tried so many different things and he would always get excited as if he would try harder the next time… but ultimately his teachers would just shrug and say he didn’t do any work. They loved him at school, they loved his spirit and his joy… he simply just had a hard time working.

And then at the end of our day today, on the way back from Entebbe, all that I could think of was how much he would have loved the zoo. Many of the boys talk about the zoo, but the way that Martin would talk about animals and his desire to see lions and elephants could bring a smile to anyone’s face. There are many times where he would simply run around pretending to be a wild animal… It’s crazy how quickly my mind can create images of memories that would have been, things that have never happened but that I know would be something he would dream to do.

I know some of these may sound silly and small, but he has been in everything in the last few days. Anytime I see Pious I think of Martin. Anytime someone prays for a meal I think of Martin (he wouldn’t let a meal go by without him being the one to pray, we would have to tell him he HAD to give someone else a chance!), anytime I see our keyboard – the keyboard I wanted him to play… he just seems to be in everything.

We were figuring out all of the boys’ birthdays the other night and Pious asked that we change his. His last birthday we celebrated it two days before Christmas, a night of singing and dancing to celebrate both Pious and Martin. It makes sense to me that Pious would not want to celebrate life in the same moments as remembering death.

I don’t yet know what it looks like to have closure, to not just be filled with a deep sorrow when I am here. I’m going to be visiting his grave in the next week, please be praying for my time there. I also know that church will be hard Sunday. Calvary is a place Martin danced all the way to. We would have to run to catch up on the way to church and practically drag him home. He loved to worship and would spend all day singing to God if we let him.

Tags: ,

by jessie

2 comments

add a comment link to this post email a friend

June 4, 2010 - 11:52 am jessie - Thanks so much both for your thoughts and your prayers! They mean a ton!

June 4, 2010 - 1:28 am Marti Franke - Hi Jessie! You've been on my heart recently! It's really great that I can log on here and read about what you're going through and what areas you need prayer! I can't begin to imagine what you are going through over there, but just know that I am over here in Cali praying for you and your devotion to those boys! They are blessed to have you! Thanks for sharing your heart with us!! With much love, Marti

A key

05.31.2010 Posted in Uncategorized

God uses many different things to communicate redemption in our lives. This morning He used a key. Let me explain…

When I was about to leave this morning I needed to leave my key to our room with one of the uncles because I knew Abby would be arriving shortly and need to get in. I looked everywhere for uncle David but couldn’t find him. Four of the street kids in our program were at the house practicing guitar. One of them was Ivan (for those who have been following my blog you may know exactly who I’m talking about but I will explain for those who haven’t).

Ivan is a boy I love so much. Last July right before we were about to open the house he stole some money from my wallet and ran away, disappeared. I spent the following 6 months looking for him on any spare day, walking Kampala with his picture, simply to let him know that I still loved him and would welcome him back… that we all make mistakes and it’s ok. Last Christmas he was at a different outreach program and the other boys knew I had been looking for him so had one of the leaders contact me. I immediately rushed there and it was so wonderful to let him know how much I still loved him.

Fast forward a few months… Ivan sleeps at the church and is one of the most responsible kids in our program. Every day after we eat he is the only one to thank all of us for food.

Well this morning he was also at the house. Without hesitation I walked over to him and handed him the key. I asked him if he could give it to Uncle David when David came around. I saw his entire spirit jump and his eyes light up. I knew that that key represented healing, represented being seen as clean, as redeemed.

It was exciting to get to be a part of God’s work in Ivan’s life.

(I do recognize I’m not posting as often as I would like… I will do my best to post more often in the next three weeks)

by jessie

3 comments

add a comment link to this post email a friend

June 4, 2010 - 1:40 am Emily - Great post! Glad to hear Ivan has turned it around, with your faith and God's help.

June 3, 2010 - 2:49 am Ashley - So awesome... yay Ivan!

June 2, 2010 - 6:36 pm Anita - Great post! Glad to hear Ivan has turned it around, with your faith and God's help.

Welcome Home Auntie Jess

05.21.2010 Posted in Africa, BLOG

I have had a long day with the need to process it the best way I know – to share it with you all.

I got into Entebbe late Tuesday night and got to spend the evening just with Abby, catching up on everything there was to talk about. Despite the pure exhaustion from a day and half of travel it was so refreshing to sit with my best friend and talk about life.

I can’t fully describe the emotions I had the next morning (this morning) – both an overwhelming joy to get to see my boys, the sons I love so deeply, and a deep feeling of dread, knowing that I would have to tell them I had not come to stay. (For those of you who are new to my blog, I had originally planned on coming back to stay in Uganda full time and so that’s what they believed was going to happen. However, through much prayer I decided it important to finish my master’s in Counseling back in the States and so am only here in Uganda one month).

The taxi ride to Kampala felt both like it was taking forever and also like we got there too soon. I kept running the conversation through my head over and over again. How was I going to both communicate how much loved them and how important they are to me while telling them I would only be here for a month? I had also promised myself that I would need to say goodbye to them at the end of the month because I don’t know what God has planned for the future and the last thing I want to do is wound them again. I don’t want to be another person in their life who has made extravagant promises to them and not fulfilled them. And yet, I know that I already am. I promised to stay with them forever, to watch them grow up… I promised them the world. This weight, of recognizing that I was going to have to share with the boys that I love most that I am going to completely let them down, is definitely one of the heaviest weights I’ve had to bear. And yet, I put it on myself. Therefore, I knew that I would never want to do that again, even if that meant the pain of fully saying goodbye to them in order to protect them from my own broken promises.

Upon arrival to the Kivulu House I was immediately swarmed by 15 boys, practically mauled over, and could barely stand up. Each of them pulled me into the house to show me the sign they had made me expressing their love for me and their joy that I had come back. The entire house was covered with these signs. And it didn’t stop with the signs. I was showered with gifts of jewelry and letters, all expressing their love for me; as an aunt and as their mother.

I knew that I couldn’t wait more than a moment before letting them know how long I was going to be here for. The tears came even before I was able to gather them all in the living room – filled with sorrow, dread, and fear – fear that I was going to break them to pieces, pieces that would have difficulty mending. There was complete silence for longer than I enjoy enduring and yet I knew I needed to give them time to take it all in. I allowed room for questions and of course the first question was, would I ever come back? Solemnly I told them that I loved them and that I didn’t want to hurt them by breaking promises; therefore, I would have to say goodbye. I explained the best I could that I didn’t know what God had planned for my future and so I wasn’t able to know whether I would be back or not. It was so incredibly hard.

In the hours that followed I spent time with many of the boys one on one; hearing their thoughts and feelings. These 15 boys are my treasures; they bring more joy to my life than I believe I could ever bring them. I know that the month that lies ahead of me is going to be both difficult and also filled with overwhelming joy. I am going to be taking each of them out one on one to listen to their heart, to share the ways they have been a blessing to me, to share the strengths that I see in them as young men, and to pray for them. It will be a month of goodbyes.

Well all of that is just the beginning… I have so much more to share… stay tuned :)

Tags: ,

by jessie

6 comments

add a comment link to this post email a friend

June 4, 2010 - 8:47 am Amy - I love this. Your writing always blows me away. I can't imagine how heart wrenching it must be to know this could be the last time you get to spend time with your boys. I pray that God would bless your time and that your genuine love and adoration would shine through your conversations and all of your interactions. Ultimately I pray that God would continue to use you to point them all to the one true lover of their souls. We miss you already

May 26, 2010 - 9:13 am Bryan - Jessie, I am so proud of you! Continue to listen to what God consistently presses on your heart! Don't for a moment listen to the lies that Satan will try and feed you with on a daily basis. Your impact there has been tremendous and you have built a passion in these boys and a hope in Jesus Christ. God will use you in amazing ways while you are there and I hope he brings you back soon...safe and sound

May 22, 2010 - 6:52 pm maura - I love this. Your writing always blows me away. I can't imagine how heart wrenching it must be to know this could be the last time you get to spend time with your boys. I pray that God would bless your time and that your genuine love and adoration would shine through your conversations and all of your interactions. Ultimately I pray that God would continue to use you to point them all to the one true lover of their souls. We miss you already

May 22, 2010 - 5:06 pm ANITA - Your decision to tell them right away must have been incredibly difficult. I can not even begin to imagine. But the decision to tell them was the right one. Now you can enjoy your month without having the dread hanging over you like a black cloud. Have a wonderful visit and stay safe.

May 22, 2010 - 8:20 am Ashley - I am glad you arrived safely... I will be praying for you over the course of the next month, for your heart and the boys. Love you Jess.

May 21, 2010 - 10:26 pm Chris Maddox - As difficult as that must have been I'm glad to hear you were able to do it initially, and in a way that allows a direction for the rest of you time there. May that be a time of joy with your boys!

A video

03.04.2010 Posted in Uncategorized

One of my friends, Phillip Glickman, put together this video (as well as did all of the photography) after spending a week with us in Uganda this fall. I hope you enjoy it!

by jessie

6 comments

add a comment link to this post email a friend

March 10, 2010 - 3:14 am Kathleen - Thanks for sharing! We enjoyed it. Blessings : )

March 9, 2010 - 7:39 pm Jenna Knapp - Jessssssiiiee! That video is so beautiful!! I miss you and all of the boys! Are you back in Uganda yet?? I'm sure your kids have been missing you every day. be well! <3 jenna

March 9, 2010 - 12:30 pm Georgina - Aww I love it!! It really does capture both of your love for the kids. Hope you girls are well. I look forward to seeing you both in Uganda late July. Can't wait to be back! Much love, Georgina xxxxx

March 7, 2010 - 5:47 pm ANITA - Love the video!

March 7, 2010 - 9:29 am Kimberly - Jessie, thank you so much for posting the video. It brings tears to my eyes for so many reasons...thank you for giving me/us a beautiful window into your world, the kids' world, His world and His heart in Uganda...

March 5, 2010 - 2:00 am Abby Tracy - love the video! You look beautiful in it!

Alex’s Question

01.20.2010 Posted in Uncategorized

Alex is a boy that I have talked about before. He is one of the littlest in our programs, one of the feistiest, one of the dirtiest, one that is most stubborn and certainly one of the cutest and easiest for me to love.

I shared the bible study last week and decided to tell the story of Hosea as well as talk about the reasons we run away from God. I pretty much shared what I had shared in my last post but in the form of a Bible study. At the end we opened it up to the boys to ask questions and to share what they had learned. Alex quickly raised his hand. Usually Alex makes comments that have nothing to do with the Bible study… it’s more often that his comment is to remind us that he is hungry. Instead he very seriously asked, “Why don’t our parents ever come looking for us when we leave them? Why don’t they care enough about us to go searching for us?” The part of the story that he had really attached to was Hosea going to look for Gomer even though she had betrayed him and hurt him.

I was silent for a moment and then told him i didn’t know and I didn’t understand. I explained that it was one of the things in my life that made me the most angry and one of the things that I couldn’t even imagine or begin to understand. I talked about how different that is for God and even how wrong that is of their parents… ultimately again I felt like I had no good answer so I shared my love for them and my brokenness over the reality that no one comes looking for them…

by jessie

3 comments

add a comment link to this post email a friend

January 25, 2010 - 9:18 pm Mavi - Love the work you are doing to share the love of God and instill destiny into these kids. I am a friend of your mom's and I have to tell you that she is SO proud of you and her face lights up whenever she talks about you. Praying that Psalm 91 will be your portion.

January 22, 2010 - 10:18 am Abby Tracy - beautiful post girl even though it make me sad, I love that kid so much it makes me sooo mad that someone could ever not want him!

January 22, 2010 - 4:57 am Kimberly - Jessie- I am so thankful that you share your heart as honestly as you do with these precious boys. A pat answer or even some Biblical something-or-other no doubt would have shut many down. Instead, you shared your heart and your pain...you showed them their Abba Daddy's heart through yours, and this...this is what I know will draw them in...to you...and ultimately to Him. Thank you.

Emmanuel

01.15.2010 Posted in Africa, BLOG

Emmanuel was a boy that had moved into our home back in August. He was also one who decided he really wanted to go back home and live with family there. Before he went he asked me I would write down his story and share it with people back home. He wanted to let people know what his life had been like so far, both the times of pain and suffering as well as the joy and hope that he had experienced. So this is his story…

“I had a mother and father to begin with. But that didn’t last too long, my mother disappeared from home when I was about 6 years old. I don’t fully know why she left but when I was very young I would see my father beating my mother and chasing her out of the house in anger and screaming. No matter what happened it is always hard for me to think about her leaving because if she had just stayed things would have been different for me, life would have been different. I never saw her again, I wouldn’t even know her if I saw her on the street. From then on I stayed with my father who was blind in both eyes. My father used to play the harp for people. He would go to parties and people’s homes to play the harp for money. My father was always so proud of me and loved me so much. Despite his love, I feared him so much because of the way that he treated my mom. One day my dad decided to sell all of our land. So we left our home which was in Rukungiri and we moved a few hours away to Bushenyi to live with my grandmother since we no longer had a home or land to stay in. When we moved there, I found out my father was with another woman so I stayed with my dad and my grandfather. I never knew that she was actually my stepmother because she lived somewhere else but my father would spend a lot of time with her. One day I went with my dad to a party he was going to play the harp at. My dad got very drunk that day. He had always been someone that drank but this day was different, he had far too much and was unable to even handle himself. I was walking with my father back home, leading him since he wasn’t able to see. I held his hand the entire way to help him. We were sloping down the road and reached a point where we wanted to cross the road. I told my dad that we needed to wait because there was a car coming but my father refused to listen to me. He said that he could see there wasn’t a car even though he was blind. I fought with my dad, trying to pull him from the road. After a moment of fighting back and forth my dad eventually won and dragged me along with him into the middle of the road. Immediately my dad was hit by a truck right in front of me. In fear and anxiety I ran and just kept running until I found a house where a woman lived and told them that my dad had been killed by a car. I went to the scene where it happened and the police had already arrived. We were given money from the people that hit my dad to use to pay for the burial of my dad. After my dad died I went to live with my grandfather. But my grandfather was very rough with me, he treated me terribly. Whenever he would send me for water at the well, if there were many people and I came back late he would beat me. He would strangle me by the neck, and cane me all over my body. He would grab a hold of me and bind me with ropes so that he was able to cane me. There were other times where he would heat a metal rod in fire and then burn me.

After about one year my grandfather fell sick. One night when he was sick, he called on me to bring some water because he felt like he was dying. In the morning he asked me to bring some porridge to drink. When the porridge was ready I decided to take the porridge to him. But my grandfather was so sick that it was difficult for him to even speak. That was when I noticed that my grandfather was really seriously ill, but I couldn’t believe that he would die. So we called a bishop to come pray over him and my grandfather admitted to where all of the money was from when my father had sold the land. But the people who were helping us get the money ended up taking everything. When my grandfather passed away I had nothing and nowhere to go. So I decided to do what my father had been doing. I decided to sing and dance at people’s houses so that I could get food and money to survive. Every night I would look for any place to stay. If I couldn’t find anywhere I would sleep in someone’s gardens or in the bushes.

Because things were so difficult and I had nowhere to stay I eventually decided to see if that woman, my stepmother, would let me live with her. When I got there she was willing to let me stay there but always told me how she wished I wasn’t there, how I should go away and stay somewhere else. She also mistreated me badly. That’s when I decided to move to a trading center where people come and buy matoke (banana plantain). I worked there to make some little money. Then I met a friend of mine named Boaz. After working for awhile we used our money to get to the city, to Mbarara. After getting to Mbarara we spent our time working hard in the city in order to get bus tickets to Kampala. But once we reached Kampala we realized that the situation in the city was horrible and all I wanted to do was get back home. So I went all the way back to Mbarara and Boaz followed me begging me to come back to Kampala.

Once we went back to Kampala I stayed in the slum Kisenyi. We spent our time looking for scrap metal to make small money and doing drugs in order hide from our problems. That’s when I heard about a program in a nearby slum Kivulu that was helping street kids. They came one day to Kisenyi to spend time with us and give us food. That’s where I met some aunts that wanted to take care of me. Auntie Jessie bought me shoes and Auntie Babirye (Abby) gave me clothing. I could tell they cared so much about me. But I still stayed in Kisenyi using drugs, sniffing chenge because everyone there did drugs. When I was on chenge I felt like everything was ok, and that I was in charge of the world. That wherever I would go I was the one in charge. Eventually the chenge made me very sick, I got a deep illness in the chest. I went to Calvary Chapel and there those same aunts found me sick. I was so miserable, I felt like I was dying. I lost all appetite. Auntie Babirye let me just lay on her lap all morning. They took me to the hospital that day. At the hospital they found out that I had pneumonia, a very serious case of pneumonia. Because it was so serious I was transferred to another hospital where I was put on a drip so that I could be getting medicine quickly. Since I wasn’t getting any better they let me stay with one of the uncles from Calvary until I got better. Andrew took care of me, giving me medicine and bringing me food. When I got well I went to Calvary Chapel with Andrew. That’s where I saw Auntie Babirye and Auntie Jessie and we went out to lunch with a few other people. They told me one day to come to the church in Kivulu and when I got there they told me they were opening a home and I was going to get to stay with them in their new home. Auntie Jessie gave me a necklace with an elephant on it that I kept with me always, remembering how much they both loved me. When I found out I would never have to go back to the streets I was so happy.
Now Boaz had thought I had gone back to the village since I was staying at house getting well. But Boaz was so pleased to see me doing well and we both moved into the home. I continued to have issues with my chest pains, it refused to go away. Even today when someone hits me on the chest it hurts so bad. I know that it’s something that may never go away.

Even though my stepmother used to mistreat me, I believe that I want to see her again. Things may not be perfect at home but she is family and it is difficult to be so far away from family.”

Tags:

by jessie

3 comments

add a comment link to this post email a friend

January 17, 2010 - 5:34 pm Mom - Jessie, What a sad story with a beautiful ending due to all you and Abby are doing. It is also a gentle reminder that these boys did not choose their circumstances, but are choosing to change them with your help. Love, MOM

January 16, 2010 - 8:09 am Abby Tracy - Thank you for sharing this with us all

January 15, 2010 - 7:17 pm Kim - Jessie, Thank you for sharing Emanuel's story. He is now "known" by Kurt and me and we will keep his beautiful face and life in our hearts and prayers. Thank you for your faithfulness to these amazing boys! Love n many hugs- Kim

Hosea’s wife

01.14.2010 Posted in Africa, BLOG

As my time in Uganda is coming to a close, I find myself constantly contemplative about…pretty much everything. In my life I always seem to have music that I associate with different experiences that I have or different parts of my journey with God. During the last 8 months, Brooke Fraiser (she is also a part of Hillsong United) has been the artist that my heart constantly comes back to. And she has a song in particular that I have really connected to with the lives of street kids. It’s called Hosea’s wife and this is a small sample of the lyrics:

What do I live for?
We are Hosea’s wife
we are squandering this life
Using people like bodies and words like knives…
if we have eyes to see
if we have ears to hear
to find it in our hearts, to know that the one who saves is near
… to believe is to begin

The story of Hosea is one of my favorites in Scripture. You see Hosea is a man who loves God and wants to serve God with his life. And then God asks him to do what Hosea must consider as the impossible… to marry a prostitute. God says that he wants Hosea to truly understand what God feels like because Israel and Judah (all of God’s people) are constantly “cheating” on him, turning to everything else in the world to bring them comfort, joy, and satisfaction. Hosea, in his obedience, does take a prostitute, Gomer, to be his wife. They have 3 children together, and from Scripture it’s clear that Hosea loves her very much. And yet, she turns back to prostitution, seeking all of her previous lovers and all of the good things that came with them such as nice food and oils and extravagant things.

We don’t fully get to know why she leaves Hosea, but God tells Hosea that he must go to her, that he must redeem her from the life she has turned to. And so he does, he goes after her declaring his love for her and the redemption he has to offer her.

God compares this relationship to His relationship with His people. God desperately loves us and yet we constantly turn away, going back to all the things that God has saved us from.

In working with street kids for the last 8 months I have seen so many different things get in the way between them and God. Many are angry with God for what their life has been. They have a difficult time believing there could really be a good God that loves them deeply and wants to take care of them because they haven’t experienced much protection in their lives. Before coming here I had many conversations with people and even in Seminary class about the goodness of God and about the answer to the question, “If God is good then why does he allow suffering?” And before coming I could have given you a sufficient answer, an answer that I still have to give you. But when a 10 year old child, beaten down and abused on a daily basis, who has never known love from parents or other family, who spends each day trying to find a way to eat something… looks into your eyes and asks you, “If God really loves me then why doesn’t he take me out of this place? Why doesn’t he protect me at night? Why doesn’t he give me food?…etc”, at that moment even the answer I have doesn’t quite seem sufficient.

Another reason these kids have a hard time believing is fear. They have a difficult time believing that God isn’t like the police that beat them and tell them they are trash because that’s the authority they see in their lives. And so they have moments where they decide, like Gomer, to let God save them, but the moment they do something wrong they fear the consequences, believing God is an angry father or angry police officer that is just waiting to beat them. And so before God gets a chance to beat them they run away, just like they have done in their own lives. They run as far away as they can possibly think to get away from God…. To movie halls filled with porn and violence, to the darkness of Kisenyi surrounded by drugs, wherever they can get to where they are confident God won’t come searching for them. And yet, just as God called Hosea to go looking for Gomer – to go to her place of prostitution to rescue and redeem her, I am confident that God does the same with these little ones.

The final reason that I have seen kids have a hard time believing is shame. This deadly belief that they are trash, they are unworthy, they are absolutely unlovable has been what seems to be the biggest gap. One of the boys that I love deeply, Yusuf, experienced this with me. Some of the boys had told me, in front of him, that he used chenge in Kisenyi all the time. I had already known that he used chenge because I could tell when he was high and smell it on his clothes. But he didn’t know that I had known and so was filled with so much shame, thinking that I must not love him because I had finally found him out. For almost a month he completely shut down, wouldn’t let me in, would barely even talk to me even if I asked him a direct question. He was still coming to the programs, and even had stopped doing chenge but he had decided that it was impossible that I still loved him so he would run away (emotionally) before he got the chance to experience me rejecting him. He solved the problem by rejecting me. It’s so much easier in those moments of shame to take control and run away, to be the one to reject instead of being rejected. I know for all of these boys they have been rejected by so many people all of their lives and so are just waiting for me to reject them. Because they live in that constant state, they fear believing that God won’t reject them. They know that if they believe that they are vulnerable to being rejected by God and that’s not a vulnerability they are quite yet ready to risk. So, just like Gomer, they have their moments where they let their guard down. They enjoy being loved, being rescued, and being saved so much that it overpowers their fear of being rejected. But then any small incident happens and it’s like they wake up from a dream and decide all they can do is run. For the boys we take into the house that are driven by fear, I can see that at the beginning they deeply believe they will do something eventually that will cause us to drive them away. So they find moments to try to sabotage themselves, do things and say things that would encourage us to chase them away. It takes so much time to help them know that they are safe and lovable in a stable environment where their actions don’t dictate our love.

All of these boys struggle to have eyes to see and ears to hear… to hear about a God who wants to rescue their hearts and heal their lives. We bring the gospel and love of Christ to them in every interaction, praying that they will really know that “the one who saves is near.”

These are just some of the thoughts that have been swirling through my head… I am sure more to come in the weeks that come.

Tags:

by jessie

3 comments

add a comment link to this post email a friend

February 8, 2010 - 3:34 am Meredith - Jessie, your blog is amazing. I can't even explain the emotions that your story and the boys' stories are bringing up for me but just reading your posts is a truly awesome experience. what an amazing thing you're doing by sharing yourself with these kids... I wish you, and them, the absolute best.

January 15, 2010 - 7:23 pm Kim - Jessie, How you truly connect with the heart of these boys. You describe their tender hearts and protection thereof to a "t". Praise God, you never give up just as God never gives up. Your faithfulness and lovingkindness is a reflection of our Amazing and Awesome God. Praying for your health and protection. Kim

January 14, 2010 - 6:54 pm Abby Tracy - This post is spot on, thank you for speaking truth into our lives. You never give up on those kids Jessie, ever, it teaches them so much about the love of God too when you don't. Yusuf was such a punk for so long and you never gave up on him, never got frustrated with him, never stopped pursuing him, ever. That is such a beautiful thing!

A beautiful summer day in… January

01.14.2010 Posted in Uncategorized

I had such a wonderful day with my boys in the house on Tuesday. In the morning we took them to their new school, Old Kampala Primary School. They got to meet their headmaster and register for school, which starts in just a few weeks. They have been on holiday for what seems like eternity (in reality about 3 months) and are all looking forward to school.

The two newest additions to our house, Bashir and Shafik, seem to be extremely anxious about going to school. They were both very shy with the headmaster when being interviewed, they would hardly say a word even if they knew the answers to the questions. It has been so long since Shafik has been in school and Bashir has never been in school so they have very low confidence when it comes to school. The headmaster ended up deciding Shafik should be in first grade (which wasn’t accurate but because Shafik didn’t say anything the headmaster believed he didn’t understand any English). Shafik was so sad and so we went back the next day. I told Shafik he would need to actually talk and as we walked to the school he was talking my ear off. But the minute we walked in the room all his confidence went away and he didn’t say a word…

Ok, so back to my day… After lunch, it was such a warm and sunny day that we decided to go to the pool. They have a public pool nearby that doesn’t cost much to get into and the boys wanted to cut their allowance in order to pay for it (which I thought was SO cute). On the way we bought ice cream and ate them as we walked. Once there, the boys had so much fun. We all swam (including me – my first time in Uganda) and the boys had so much fun learning and practicing their swimming. None of them really knew how to swim so they took turns with me teaching them some of the basics. Drissa was the one that picked up the most and spent all his time practicing the skills he knew to swim. When we were finished we stayed at the pool, drying off in the sun and kicking a soccer ball around.

I couldn’t help but realize that it was the beginning of January and I just had every good component to a summer day. Ice cream, swimming, relaxing by the water…

We came home to continue the story we are reading together. I started a story time with the boys and they can’t seem to get enough of it. If I was willing they would want me to read for hours, I’m sure of it. It was such a wonderful day together. As my time in Uganda is coming to a close I have been spending more and more time with the boys in the house because I feel like I already miss them knowing how long I will be away.

Tags:

by jessie

1 comment

add a comment link to this post email a friend

January 14, 2010 - 6:56 pm Abby Tracy - that is so cute that they saved up their own money to go,awwwww i love it! I should give them that idea in Ssenge too!